Hey Friend!

Because most of the limiting beliefs and negative behavior patterns running in our subconscious minds stems from our childhood experiences (particularly with parent-figures), it makes sense that most people could benefit from Inner Child or Reparenting work.

In her book, How to Do the Work, Dr. Nicole LePera writes, “most parent-figures never learned how to meet their own needs, let alone another person’s, passing on their own unresolved traumas and conditioned coping strategies. Even well intentioned parent-figures don’t always give us what serves us. Meeting all of someone’s varied and unique needs all the time is almost impossible. That said, if we lived with an emotionally immature parent-figure, our needs were likely routinely unmet or dismissed.”

Here are some common negative behavior patterns that indicate you may have a hurt Inner Child:
– Unexplained anger, outbursts, or aggression
– Wanting to control the behavior of loved ones
– Fear of abandonment
– Fear of rejection
– Fear of authority
– Feeling unworthy, not good enough
– Feeling like people don’t like you
– Problems with intimacy
– Not comfortable with challenges
– Addictions of all kinds
– Intimidated by sex
– Uncomfortable with love and affection
– “Acting out” sexually
– Hidden shame of self
– Lack of sexual involvement
– Not able to be authentic with true feelings
– Not able to hold lasting relationships
– Afraid to express needs
– Always need to be perfect
– Chooses abusive or emotionally absent partners

All children desire to be seen, heard and authentically expressed (essentially to be ourselves). When this is not supported or cultivated, those kids grow up to be adults that LePera says, “live from that protected place and familiar place of their ego (with all its stories) and often have an intense need to be ‘right,’ rejecting other people’s opinions and making others feel just as small and insignificant as they once did…

Others create avatars of themselves–always wearing a mask–fearful that they may scare people away if they show their true face. Some avoid any type of intimacy, and some cling to it desperately…

The manifestations run the gamut, but the way we heal these wounds is to give ourselves all the things we didn’t get as children…this is a process called reparenting, and it enables you to relearn how to meet the unmet needs of your inner child through daily, dedicated, and conscious action.”

Here are some ways to begin Inner Child/ Reparenting Work:
– Book an Inner Child Hypnotherapy Session
– Keep small promises to yourself each day
– Notice what causes you to be emotionally activated
– Listen to an Inner Child Hypnosis Recording
– Develop daily rituals and routines of self-care
– Say “no” to things that don’t serve you
– Witness your emotions without judgement
– Write a letter to your inner child and have her/him write back
– Do something you loved doing as a child
– Hold boundaries even if it’s uncomfortable to do so
– PLAY: sing out loud, dance around the room freely
– Do something unplanned, be impulsive and spontaneous
– Learn something new, without needing to be the best at it
– Cook yourself a home-cooked meal
– Spend time outside in nature
– Connect with someone you love
– Go to bed earlier
– Engage in fun activities that stimulate the positive child aspect
– Practice comfortable aloneness

BENEFITS OF INNER CHILD WORK
– Empowers you to re-parent yourself
– Encourages whole integration of self
– Allows forgiveness of self
– Creates an experience of self-love
– Softens resistance
– Strengthens early developmental stages that were corrupted or missed

It’s important to note:
Inner Child/Reparenting work can be emotionally triggering. This work can also unleash a great deal of anger, even rage, that you have towards your parent-figure(s). Many will desire that their pain be acknowledged, but LePera cautions, “It’s important to allow the anger in, be in it, and yes, communicate it if you choose–and it’s helpful to do so without expecting an outside party will validate your reality or experiences. The only person who can do this for you is you.”

It’s best to hold off on a confrontation until you feel “more tolerant of the uncertainty of the outcome,” meaning, you’re okay not getting an apology or having your feelings validated.

And, if you’re dealing with sexual abuse issues, I’d encourage you to do this work while working with a trained psychotherapist or support community, as this work may be too overwhelming to process alone.

To better serve you, I recently completed an additional hypnotherapy certification on “Healing the Inner Child: Hypnosis and Imagery.” I’m excited to bring these inner child techniques into my private sessions. If you feel called to start Inner Child Hypnotherapy work, click here.

Also, here’s a hypnosis recording I created called “Inner Child Meeting” to help you begin the process of reconnecting with your inner child. Listen below:

It’s normal to carry around pain from our childhoods. Keep in mind that the subconscious has no concept of time, so you may feel the pain of something that happened 30 or 40 years ago, as though it happened yesterday. LePera suggests that a quick and easy way to start meeting the needs of your inner child is by simply asking “What am I needing most right now?” Giving yourself exactly what you need moment to moment is a fantastic way to rebuild trust and love for yourself at any age.

Much love and happy editing,
Robin

Hey Friend!

I’m currently experiencing a lull in business productivity. I haven’t been on social media much over the past few weeks, and I haven’t been creating much content.

Instead, I’ve been reading books, visiting with friends, going on day-dates with my husband, and taking long walks. I’m not going to lie, it’s been hard at times to enjoy this downtime, I often feel the sharp pangs of urgency, restlessness, and guilt that I’m not doing what I’m supposed to be doing.

This isn’t surprising to me. We live in a society that sees productivity, as a measurement of worth, success and goodness.

But, is being unproductive really even possible? I mean, after all, we are always doing something. Even sitting down doing nothing is doing something, right? So, why is that labeled good or bad/right or wrong? And, really, isn’t a person’s doing ultimately a personal thing, unique to each of us?

It’s up to each of us to decide then, whether binge watching TV on the couch is a restorative act of self-love or an act of self-sabotage.

Consider also, who’s voice is in your head when you are taking some downtime? According to whose rules or standards are you judging the success of your life? Are your actions derived from a place of rejuvenation, joy, alignment and growth or are your actions a form of avoidance, keeping you from the life you desire? How do you know for sure?

Marlee Grace’s book, Getting to Center, offers relatable and easy to follow advice for incorporating ease and aligned work into your life. Here are two of her valuable insights:

NOTICE HOW “DISTRACTIONS” SHOW UP
While Grace’s book will never shame anyone for watching mindless or “trashy” TV, as she recognizes that “distractions often serve to protect our overworked minds,” she does argue that, “we must stay committed to the daily maintenance of our lives off the screen to share our findings at a slow and non-urgent pace…to stay in rather than drop out.”

In order to determine whether your action is actually avoidance, ask your self these questions:

-Is there some big other commitment to self I said I would do today that I am avoiding?

-Am I using this distraction because I don’t want to face myself?

-Is this distraction a pivot moment where I get to relax and find pleasure before returning to my work?

Depending on the answer, the “distraction” might actually be a nourishing time for you to recharge or an opportunity for you to overcome the distraction (instead of reaching for your phone to scroll social media, call a friend, go for a walk outside or do some journaling instead to break the cycle of avoidance).

TAKE THE GUILT OUT OF GUILTY PLEASURES
Consider giving yourself full permission to just experience pleasure. Grace writes, “Rejuvenation for me is just about paying attention to my own rhythms, bodily and mentally. When I am going too fast or too slow. Listening to my body and mind in terms of what it needs…to rejuvenate is to say what is and to say what isn’t and to not hate myself on the journey of finding it all out.”

Here are some ways to rejuvenate:
-Sauna
-Bath
-Go be alone somewhere
-Take a trip and not work for 3 days
-Go be with other people somewhere
-Pray (follow Anne Lamott’s 3 prayer ideas from Help, Thanks, Wow, pray to ask for help, be grateful or be in awe)
-Go outside
-Be intimate with a partner or yourself
-Create art
-Do nothing

Getting to Center isn’t anti-productivity, but it’s a way to consciously manage work and ease into our lives without guilt or shame. Instead of telling people to find balance, Grace prefers to say get “back on the beam.” She writes, “We will always get knocked off, and we may get knocked off when we least expect it. You might picture the beam where gymnasts do amazing tricks. They flip and spin through the air, and then, with a mix of luck and skill, they stick the landing in their sparkly leotards and throw their hands up…I’ve built tools into my life to help me get back on the beam faster…And if we don’t stick the landing and instead break both ankles and crumple into a ball, we’re going to figure out how the hell to start over again.”

I’ve been focusing my self-hypnosis practice on extricating my worth from my doing and focusing on what makes me feel calm and most alive. I’m going to make this the focus of our upcoming Group Hypnosis recordings. If you’d like to be added to the list to receive this and any additional free monthly hypnosis recordings, click here or comment below saying “add me to the list.”

I hope you find the tools to help you honor your cycles of productivity, combat shame or anxiety when you need rest, and bust through avoidance to face what needs facing. And, through any ups and downs, may you “get back on the beam” stronger and more energized than ever!

Happy editing,
Robin