Hey Friend!
Because most of the limiting beliefs and negative behavior patterns running in our subconscious minds stems from our childhood experiences (particularly with parent-figures), it makes sense that most people could benefit from Inner Child or Reparenting work.
In her book, How to Do the Work, Dr. Nicole LePera writes, “most parent-figures never learned how to meet their own needs, let alone another person’s, passing on their own unresolved traumas and conditioned coping strategies. Even well intentioned parent-figures don’t always give us what serves us. Meeting all of someone’s varied and unique needs all the time is almost impossible. That said, if we lived with an emotionally immature parent-figure, our needs were likely routinely unmet or dismissed.”
Here are some common negative behavior patterns that indicate you may have a hurt Inner Child:
– Unexplained anger, outbursts, or aggression
– Wanting to control the behavior of loved ones
– Fear of abandonment
– Fear of rejection
– Fear of authority
– Feeling unworthy, not good enough
– Feeling like people don’t like you
– Problems with intimacy
– Not comfortable with challenges
– Addictions of all kinds
– Intimidated by sex
– Uncomfortable with love and affection
– “Acting out” sexually
– Hidden shame of self
– Lack of sexual involvement
– Not able to be authentic with true feelings
– Not able to hold lasting relationships
– Afraid to express needs
– Always need to be perfect
– Chooses abusive or emotionally absent partners
All children desire to be seen, heard and authentically expressed (essentially to be ourselves). When this is not supported or cultivated, those kids grow up to be adults that LePera says, “live from that protected place and familiar place of their ego (with all its stories) and often have an intense need to be ‘right,’ rejecting other people’s opinions and making others feel just as small and insignificant as they once did…
Others create avatars of themselves–always wearing a mask–fearful that they may scare people away if they show their true face. Some avoid any type of intimacy, and some cling to it desperately…
The manifestations run the gamut, but the way we heal these wounds is to give ourselves all the things we didn’t get as children…this is a process called reparenting, and it enables you to relearn how to meet the unmet needs of your inner child through daily, dedicated, and conscious action.”
Here are some ways to begin Inner Child/ Reparenting Work:
– Book an Inner Child Hypnotherapy Session
– Keep small promises to yourself each day
– Notice what causes you to be emotionally activated
– Listen to an Inner Child Hypnosis Recording
– Develop daily rituals and routines of self-care
– Say “no” to things that don’t serve you
– Witness your emotions without judgement
– Write a letter to your inner child and have her/him write back
– Do something you loved doing as a child
– Hold boundaries even if it’s uncomfortable to do so
– PLAY: sing out loud, dance around the room freely
– Do something unplanned, be impulsive and spontaneous
– Learn something new, without needing to be the best at it
– Cook yourself a home-cooked meal
– Spend time outside in nature
– Connect with someone you love
– Go to bed earlier
– Engage in fun activities that stimulate the positive child aspect
– Practice comfortable aloneness
BENEFITS OF INNER CHILD WORK
– Empowers you to re-parent yourself
– Encourages whole integration of self
– Allows forgiveness of self
– Creates an experience of self-love
– Softens resistance
– Strengthens early developmental stages that were corrupted or missed
It’s important to note:
Inner Child/Reparenting work can be emotionally triggering. This work can also unleash a great deal of anger, even rage, that you have towards your parent-figure(s). Many will desire that their pain be acknowledged, but LePera cautions, “It’s important to allow the anger in, be in it, and yes, communicate it if you choose–and it’s helpful to do so without expecting an outside party will validate your reality or experiences. The only person who can do this for you is you.”
It’s best to hold off on a confrontation until you feel “more tolerant of the uncertainty of the outcome,” meaning, you’re okay not getting an apology or having your feelings validated.
And, if you’re dealing with sexual abuse issues, I’d encourage you to do this work while working with a trained psychotherapist or support community, as this work may be too overwhelming to process alone.
To better serve you, I recently completed an additional hypnotherapy certification on “Healing the Inner Child: Hypnosis and Imagery.” I’m excited to bring these inner child techniques into my private sessions. If you feel called to start Inner Child Hypnotherapy work, click here.
Also, here’s a hypnosis recording I created called “Inner Child Meeting” to help you begin the process of reconnecting with your inner child. Listen below:
It’s normal to carry around pain from our childhoods. Keep in mind that the subconscious has no concept of time, so you may feel the pain of something that happened 30 or 40 years ago, as though it happened yesterday. LePera suggests that a quick and easy way to start meeting the needs of your inner child is by simply asking “What am I needing most right now?” Giving yourself exactly what you need moment to moment is a fantastic way to rebuild trust and love for yourself at any age.
Much love and happy editing,
Robin
